King's Old Boys' Rugby Union, Sydney Australia
Kings Old Boys' Rugby
23|10|99

and Strayan Rugby – Please explain…

Pauline Hanson and her One Nation Party are undermining the good standing of Strayan Rugby in the world therefore I have decided to undermine them. Rugby is a world game and is one of the best ways of bridging the cultural gaps between nations that has been developed. The reason being that it is impossible to hate a rugby player, even Joost van der Weisthuisen. On the otherhand the One Nation Party are a bunch of ill-educated rednecked bigots and impossible to like.

Pauline Hanson stands for no immigration, Straya for Strayans, semi-automatic guns for kiddies, economic self-destruction and annoying accents. Rugby is about camaraderie, achievement, sportsmanship and beer. To put it simply, the two just don’t mix.

Some political commentators say the people that support Pauline Hanson are just sending the powers that be a message that they are unhappy with the status quo. So let us examine what they have to be unhappy about. The problems facing Straya are by no means unique to this country, economic downturns, unemployment, population problems, disunity, not winning the Bledisloe Cup for four years.

They also complain about the Asianisation of Straya, how Strayan manufacturers and primary producers can’t compete with cheap imports, that kiddies don’t have access to high-powered assault rifles, immigrants taking our jobs, aborigines get heaps of stuff for free, taxi drivers who don’t know where anything is…whine, whine, whine…whinge, whinge, whinge.

Let’s examine some of these issues and see how a strong rugby community can help…and remember that strength in rugby is dependent on open and close ties with other countries around the world.

by Maso

The common ant is a much-overlooked helper around the house. This week we will examine some of the issues involved with making ants do the work. Ants are amongst the most efficient scavengers on earth and they do not take up a lot of space. In the kitchen they clean scraps of food away making washing up easier and saving on disposing of food mess. Elsewhere they remove crumbs, dead insects and most organic matter from the house. For tougher jobs such as large chunks of meat, leftovers from Barbecues perhaps, bigger ants are called for, say bull ants. These are also ideal for home defense.

My house has too many ants
Ant control is a toughie. After all you want some ants to do the cleaning for you but too many ants, especially in sleeping areas can become very annoying. Other than squashing them, which then means cleaning up tens of thousands of squashed ants the best way of controlling them is an echidna. The Australian Spiny Anteater will happily live in your house eating the excess ants saving you from worrying about them.

My Echidna is leaving spines everywhere.

The echidna is controlling the ants but how do we control the echidna, especially when they leave spines lying around which can easily prick an unprotected foot. I have found a coating of PVC wood glue will keep the spines intact. Apply the glue liberally to all spiny parts of your echidna.

The RSPCA wants to bring me in for questioning

Cruelty to rare and unique species of native fauna is seldom looked upon kindly by the authorities. Do not let them find out you have coated your echidna in PVC glue. Lie and say it was part of some horrible wood working accident.

The Echidna seems to have found some friends
Echidnas will attract other echidnas and pretty soon you will have an echidna colony eating you out of house and ants and leaving nasty spines everywhere. Echidnas present a difficulty when selecting a predator for them because they are unpalatable to most animals with any brains.

Crocodiles have small brains
Crocodiles are not the answer to this problem or any other no matter how convenient they may seem at the time.

What about a python?
Pythons are ideal for echidna control, but you can easily wind up with one very overfed python and a house full of ants with no echidnas controlling their population so you will need some rats to feed the python once the correct echidna level has been established. You will also need a large eagle of some description to eat any excess pythons you have and a bobcat for eagle control (the bobcat will also help with the rats). Wolves will eat bobcats but are hard to find in Australia (as are bobcats, large eagles and pythons quite frankly). Maybe you could steal a hyena from Taronga Zoo, they are a bit like wolves, and they are also efficient scavengers for large items like wildebeest carcasses, which you will also need to find. For wildebeest and hyena control you will need a lion and lions can get messy, by this time you need entire ecosystem to provide for a super-predator like a lion, not to mention some lion tamers. For most people this isn’t feasible in your average suburban home so you will need some sort of nature reserve.

My house has turned into a nature reserve
Now you get the picture, live as God intended, amongst the animals, and the mess is no longer a problem, it is simply part of the food chain. Just be careful as to where in the food chain you place yourself.

by Maso